The Brew Review

April 1, 2006

Bell’s Cherry Stout

Filed under: American,Romance — brewreview @ 2:54 am


Nationality: American (Michigan)

Reviewed by: Oy Vey and Guinness Girl

Tastes like: Must Love Dogs


"Weird" – collective

"Undrinkable…almost. Well, Okay, I'd drink it all." – GG

Basically, it tastes like flat cherry coke with some Guinness in it. We really wanted to like it because the label is adorable.

"The label is so shabby chic." 

"Is the look on my face saying it all?" – OV [grimacing]

This is the equivalent of watching Must Love Dogs. You really want to like it, because it seems like it would be cute, but it's just a weird combo of tastes – cherry and Guinness? Ick. Kinda like how Diane Lane and John Cusack are a weird couple.

Plus, Must Love Dogs was equally unlikeable. Long discussion on how it kinda had a moral, where Diane Lane sleeps with the asshole character and never (at least during the movie) gets it on with the gem (John Cusack, although his character was way lame in the movie).


February 28, 2006

Coopers Pale Ale

Filed under: Enh...,Oddballs,Romance — brewreview @ 7:05 pm


Nationality: Australian

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes Like: Some Kind of Wonderful

“Corona. It’s plain. A plain beer, but I do hold a special place in my heart for this because this is what Tali White was drinking at the Lucksmiths show. Tali White = the hottest lead singer. Hotness.” – OV

“Prince of Hotness?” – GG

“No, just hotness. I swear there was a puddle of drool collecting at my feet watching him. His bottle got knocked over by a cord and I picked it up and set it right. I didn’t want to get electrocuted by my own drool.” – OV

“Flavored seltzer, like McSorley’s. I don’t think we’re light beer drinkers.” – GG

“I think I’m thinking of Heineken – the American kind, but I haven’t had one in like forever.” – OV

[Long diatribe about some movie in South Africa] “Oh wait, I was looking for something Australian, but similar I guess – they’ve both got cool accents.” – GG

[Discussion of movie that takes place in a boarding school.]

“These pansy beers are so much harder to figure out.” – OV

“Enh…gotta be something that’s forgettable yet still holds a special place in our hearts. Eric Stolz.” – Collective

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

February 25, 2006

Samichlaus Bier

Filed under: Asbolute Swill,Austrian,Romance — brewreview @ 10:13 pm

Samichlaus Bier


Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Nationality: Austrian

Tastes like: The Postman


[reading from the label on the bottle] “The World’s Most Extraordinary Beer. [snicker snicker] Brewed only once a year on December 6, Samichlaus is aged for 10 months before bottling. This beer is perhaps the rarest beer in the world. [more snickers and chuckles]. Samichlaus may be aged for many years to come. Older vintages become more complex, with a creamy warming finish.” – Oy Vey

“This sounds vaguely like that commercial for the K-Y Personal Lubricant.” – Guinness Girl

“You’re just saying that because of it saying ‘creamy warming finish’.” – Oy Vey

[laughter from GG]

“WOW. FUCKING TALL ORDER, is all I have to say. I’m almost afraid to drink this.” – Oy Vey

[both girls taste the beer. hysterical laughing ensues].

[Oy Vey looks like she’s going to spit it out].

“Omigod. That could be the WORST beer I’ve ever tasted.” – Oy Vey

“It’s like a bottle of syrup, but a beer!” – Guinness Girl

“Why am I smelling sushi? Oh yeah, I totally know what you mean about the syrup thing. This is HORRIBLE.” – Oy Vey

“UGH! Do we have to drink this whole bottle?” – Guinness Girl

“I was just going to say – I don’t know if I can drink it.” – Oy Vey

“Hairspray! A hint of Aquanet.” – Guinness Girl

“BLECK. Can you imagine how gross it would be if we’d aged that shit?” – Oy Vey

“Movie: could be Waterworld…but there’s a certain syrupy quality to it. So it’s gotta be a bad romance. Could be From Justin to Kelly…but they didn’t claim to be the world’s best movie. (long diatribe on hating Kevin Costner). Arrogant bastard. This beer is an arrogant bastard.” – Collective

“The Postman! It’s a romance, and it sucked, and it’s Kevin Costner.” – Oy Vey

“14% alcohol = 3- or 4-hour movie.” – Collective

Reviewed at: home

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