The Brew Review

April 3, 2006

Ephemere Printemps Apple Ale

Filed under: Oddballs — brewreview @ 6:13 pm

Ephemere2000.jpg
Nationality: Canadian

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes Like: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Ale made with apples, ale and Curacao.

This beer is weak. Kinda lame, really. The description sounds heavenly, but it leaves you high and dry. Starts out like a cider and ends like a Perrier. Light, semi-sweet, fairies! We wanted to like this beer, we really did. And the cute fairy on the bottle is seriously adorable.

We expected much more from this beer. It took a longer time to drink than we wanted it to and the finish was as boring as hell.

March 1, 2006

Birra Moretti

Filed under: Oddballs — brewreview @ 8:42 pm

moretti.jpg

Nationality: Oddballs (Italian, Heineken Italia, that is)

Reviewed by: Oy Vey

Tastes like: Murder She Wrote or 60 Minutes*

I thought this beer would either be very bad or very good. It should be an emotional beer, right? It’s Italian! I was looking forward to something different.**

This was the most boring beer I’ve ever tasted. I could brush my teeth with this beer. I thought the dude with the Feds moustache and fedora would lend itself to some intrigue and mystery, but alas…none of it. It was as dull and predictable as a K-car. “Just the facts, ma’am.” This beer has so little soul that I found myself tapping my foot to 25 or 6 to 4.

*Editorial decision.

**When GG saw the bottle, she said “Oh! The Coors Light of Italy!” Of course! I confess I spent more of my time smoking crappy weed rather than drinking crappy beer in college. Just a preference, not a judgment. So, I’m embarrassed to admit I had never heard of such a thing as Moretti and was hopeful it was going to be a real adventure. Tant pis.

***Note from GG – no need to be embarrassed!  I only know it b/c my sister and I drank it at Fiesole because it was cheapo.  Our kind came in cans, though.

Reviewed at: Coco’s

February 28, 2006

Xingu Black Beer

Filed under: Oddballs — brewreview @ 7:57 pm

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Nationality: Brazilian

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes like: Amazing Race: Family Edition*

Pre-taste discussion:

“Looks very Survivor. It could be the name of a team on Survivor.” – GG

“Rob and Ambah!” – OV

“We’re not all people!” – GG

[OV laughs out loud for some reason.]

“You’ve had a rough week!” – GG

[Foam is sticking to the sides of the glass. Discussion about Fear Factor. GG has brilliant idea to say ‘Xingu!’ instead of ‘Cheers!’]

“Weird taste. I’m not minding this beer. Definitely not Survivorish because I wouldn’t like a beer like that. Out of Africa? He gives her the syph…? Hmm…beautiful movie but you have to like Meryl Streep’s nose.” – GG

“I like her nose, but I can see how some people might have a problem with it. Dingo got my baby! It’s the dingo got my baby movie!!!” – OV

“I always thought that a dingo was a pouchless kangaroo…” – GG

“It’s a wild dog.” – OV

“No bitter aftertaste. Hmmm…dingo got her baby movie is pretty bitter.” – GG

“Cheers to Rosie!” – Collective

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

*Editorial decision

Coopers Pale Ale

Filed under: Enh...,Oddballs,Romance — brewreview @ 7:05 pm

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Nationality: Australian

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes Like: Some Kind of Wonderful

“Corona. It’s plain. A plain beer, but I do hold a special place in my heart for this because this is what Tali White was drinking at the Lucksmiths show. Tali White = the hottest lead singer. Hotness.” – OV

“Prince of Hotness?” – GG

“No, just hotness. I swear there was a puddle of drool collecting at my feet watching him. His bottle got knocked over by a cord and I picked it up and set it right. I didn’t want to get electrocuted by my own drool.” – OV

“Flavored seltzer, like McSorley’s. I don’t think we’re light beer drinkers.” – GG

“I think I’m thinking of Heineken – the American kind, but I haven’t had one in like forever.” – OV

[Long diatribe about some movie in South Africa] “Oh wait, I was looking for something Australian, but similar I guess – they’ve both got cool accents.” – GG

[Discussion of movie that takes place in a boarding school.]

“These pansy beers are so much harder to figure out.” – OV

“Enh…gotta be something that’s forgettable yet still holds a special place in our hearts. Eric Stolz.” – Collective

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

Big City Yardy

Filed under: Comedy,Enh...,Oddballs — brewreview @ 5:51 pm

Big City Yardy

*picture not available*

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl & Oy Vey

Nationality: Jamaican

Tastes like: Cool Runnings

Comments:

“Same as Coopers, but skunky.” – Oy Vey

“This one’s not Jamaican me crazy. And no, I didn’t steal that from Poppy Cedes, I stole it from a stupid sorority party in college.” – GG

“Wow, we’re not on our game.” – Oy Vey

“That Jamaican bobsled movie!! Plain, dumb, and bad. Except we haven’t actually seen the movie…we’re just guessing here.” – collective

Long discussion on lameness, tiredness, etc. This was our first drink of the night and both reviewers were in semi-crappy moods.

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

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