The Brew Review

February 25, 2006

Samichlaus Bier

Filed under: Asbolute Swill,Austrian,Romance — brewreview @ 10:13 pm

Samichlaus Bier


Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Nationality: Austrian

Tastes like: The Postman


[reading from the label on the bottle] “The World’s Most Extraordinary Beer. [snicker snicker] Brewed only once a year on December 6, Samichlaus is aged for 10 months before bottling. This beer is perhaps the rarest beer in the world. [more snickers and chuckles]. Samichlaus may be aged for many years to come. Older vintages become more complex, with a creamy warming finish.” – Oy Vey

“This sounds vaguely like that commercial for the K-Y Personal Lubricant.” – Guinness Girl

“You’re just saying that because of it saying ‘creamy warming finish’.” – Oy Vey

[laughter from GG]

“WOW. FUCKING TALL ORDER, is all I have to say. I’m almost afraid to drink this.” – Oy Vey

[both girls taste the beer. hysterical laughing ensues].

[Oy Vey looks like she’s going to spit it out].

“Omigod. That could be the WORST beer I’ve ever tasted.” – Oy Vey

“It’s like a bottle of syrup, but a beer!” – Guinness Girl

“Why am I smelling sushi? Oh yeah, I totally know what you mean about the syrup thing. This is HORRIBLE.” – Oy Vey

“UGH! Do we have to drink this whole bottle?” – Guinness Girl

“I was just going to say – I don’t know if I can drink it.” – Oy Vey

“Hairspray! A hint of Aquanet.” – Guinness Girl

“BLECK. Can you imagine how gross it would be if we’d aged that shit?” – Oy Vey

“Movie: could be Waterworld…but there’s a certain syrupy quality to it. So it’s gotta be a bad romance. Could be From Justin to Kelly…but they didn’t claim to be the world’s best movie. (long diatribe on hating Kevin Costner). Arrogant bastard. This beer is an arrogant bastard.” – Collective

“The Postman! It’s a romance, and it sucked, and it’s Kevin Costner.” – Oy Vey

“14% alcohol = 3- or 4-hour movie.” – Collective

Reviewed at: home


Gilde Pilsener

Filed under: Asbolute Swill,Austrian,Comedy,German — brewreview @ 9:28 pm

Gilde Pilsener


Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Nationality: German

Tastes like: Ernest Goes to Africa


“It smells like skunk!” – Oy Vey

“Great. I’m about to drink something that smells like skunk.” – Guinness Girl

“Tastes bland…but the smell! Oh, GOD, the smell!” – Oy Vey

[drinking with nose plugged] “I bet this is what O’Doul’s tastes like. Thank God we don’t know that first-hand.” – GG

“Hideous!” – Oy Vey

“This beer makes me rethink my desire to be a brew reviewer. I’m kidding, of course. And of course I’ll drink it all down, just because I paid $4.75 for it.” – GG

“It’s not as bad as The World’s Best Beer. But it smells worse than The World’s Best Beer.” – Oy Vey

[The Brew Reviewers then decide to add lime to it.]

“A little like drinking fizzy hairspray!” – GG

“Better with the lime. The lime masks the smell . Kinda like Corona quality with lime.” – Oy Vey

Reviewed at: Society Hill Hotel

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