Nationality: Canadian

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes Like: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Ale made with apples, ale and Curacao.

This beer is weak. Kinda lame, really. The description sounds heavenly, but it leaves you high and dry. Starts out like a cider and ends like a Perrier. Light, semi-sweet, fairies! We wanted to like this beer, we really did. And the cute fairy on the bottle is seriously adorable.

We expected much more from this beer. It took a longer time to drink than we wanted it to and the finish was as boring as hell.

Nationality: Finland

Reviewed by: Oy Vey and Guinness Girl

Tastes like: The Butterfly Effect

Reviewed at: Eulogy

Comments:

"The beer's pretty tasty for a stout.  Or a porter, since it IS a porter.  Whoopsie." – GG

"Not bad at all!  Pretty damn good beer, actually.  Yeah, it's tasty.  For a dark beer, it's pretty light." – OV

Ridiculous conversation ensues about what we know about Finland.  GG did a book report on it in 5th grade and associates Finland with blonde people and sheep. OV thinks of tall people. Readers, we promise we're not idiots, we just weren't the most stellar of geography students.

This is another one of those movies you'd totally watch if it were on the teevee, but probably wouldn't make a real effort to see…a determination that, in retrospect (several hours later) seems odd because we proclaimed it a "pretty damn good beer." 

Sooo…a movie that's both average and pretty damn good, all at once?  That's a toughie.  I'm going with The Butterfly Effect, because it never would have occurred to me to proactively seek the film out, but when I watched it, I was surprised that I thought the concept was interesting and that the movie held my attention throughout.  Overall, pretty damn good, but I don't see myself adding it to my Netflix queue anytime soon.

Nationality: Belgian

Reviewed by: Oy Vey & Guinness Girl

Tastes like: Heavenly Creatures

Reviewed at: Eulogy

Comments:

"Cute elephant." – GG

"Really cute little fuckin' elephant.  And you got a cute glass, too!" – OV

Sweet smell…a little heavier than expected.  Not really worth $8.50 per bottle, but it's not bad. 

Heavenly Creatures is the corresponding movie, because it's not BAD.  In fact, it's pretty interesting/intriguing…and yet I'd never pay money to watch it.  If it comes on TV, sure, I'll watch and won't change the channel, but I won't go out of my way.  Same with this beer.  If it were cheaper, I'd give it a great movie – it could be the poor man's Chimay Blue.  Instead, it's actually more expensive.  Makes no sense.  But I wouldn't kick it out of the fridge.

Nationality: American (Michigan)

Reviewed by: Oy Vey and Guinness Girl

Tastes like: Must Love Dogs

Comments:

"Weird" – collective

"Undrinkable…almost. Well, Okay, I'd drink it all." – GG

Basically, it tastes like flat cherry coke with some Guinness in it. We really wanted to like it because the label is adorable.

"The label is so shabby chic." 

"Is the look on my face saying it all?" – OV [grimacing]

This is the equivalent of watching Must Love Dogs. You really want to like it, because it seems like it would be cute, but it's just a weird combo of tastes – cherry and Guinness? Ick. Kinda like how Diane Lane and John Cusack are a weird couple.

Plus, Must Love Dogs was equally unlikeable. Long discussion on how it kinda had a moral, where Diane Lane sleeps with the asshole character and never (at least during the movie) gets it on with the gem (John Cusack, although his character was way lame in the movie).

Nationality: American (Oregon)

Reviewed by: Oy Vey

Tastes like: Death and the Maiden
This isn’t much of a review because for some reason I wrote the name of the beer but no tasting notes. Oh well. I do remember that I found this beer very smooth and it was a nice warm color. Other than that…hmmmm….

So…I remember liking it, but I don’t remember what or why. (Thank god I remember the where.)

Reviewed at: Black Door

Nationality: Scottish

Reviewer: Oy Vey

Tastes like: From Hell

When I first saw this beer, I wasn’t sure if the ‘Wee Heavy’ meant ‘A Little Bit Heavy’ or if it was some kind of ironic bettin’ man’s ‘Oh Yeah Right ‘A Little Bit Heavy’, Who Are You Kidding I’ll Kick Your Wee Arse’ wee heavy.
This is a good beer. It’s the more approachable, more likeable less evil cousin of Victory Hop Devil. Same idea but they pulled it off this time. Slightly floral, slightly bitter and a wee bit scary.

I like From Hell because I like anything with Johnny Depp. He knows how to pick parts. And I like the hookah part, though I don’t think I’m supposed to.

Reviewed at: Black Door

Magner’s Irish Cider

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl & Oy Vey

Nationality: Irish

Tastes like: Circle of Friends

Comments:

“Flat, bitter, yuckity-yuck.” – Oy Vey

“I don’t mind it!  I think it’s not bad!” – GG

“I did not like this cider.  That’s my official commentary.” – Oy Vey

Guinness Girl continued sipping, and stuck to her guns that it wasn’t bad.  Oy Vey insisted it was and that it needed more bubbles.  So – it’s Circle of Friends because it’s not exactly funny or exciting, but GG liked it anyway.

Reviewed at: Coco’s

Nationality: Oddballs (Italian, Heineken Italia, that is)

Reviewed by: Oy Vey

Tastes like: Murder She Wrote or 60 Minutes*

I thought this beer would either be very bad or very good. It should be an emotional beer, right? It’s Italian! I was looking forward to something different.**

This was the most boring beer I’ve ever tasted. I could brush my teeth with this beer. I thought the dude with the Feds moustache and fedora would lend itself to some intrigue and mystery, but alas…none of it. It was as dull and predictable as a K-car. “Just the facts, ma’am.” This beer has so little soul that I found myself tapping my foot to 25 or 6 to 4.

*Editorial decision.

**When GG saw the bottle, she said “Oh! The Coors Light of Italy!” Of course! I confess I spent more of my time smoking crappy weed rather than drinking crappy beer in college. Just a preference, not a judgment. So, I’m embarrassed to admit I had never heard of such a thing as Moretti and was hopeful it was going to be a real adventure. Tant pis.

***Note from GG – no need to be embarrassed!  I only know it b/c my sister and I drank it at Fiesole because it was cheapo.  Our kind came in cans, though.

Reviewed at: Coco’s

Left Hand Sawtooth

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl & Oy Vey

Nationality: American (Colorado)

Tastes like: Almost Famous

Comments:

“Now that’s a GOOD BEER.  Supersmooth.  Good flavor.  NO bitterness.  Clean finish.” – Oy Vey

“That’s some good stuff!  That really is some good stuff!” – Oy Vey

“Almost Famous!!!” – Guinness Girl

“Kate Hudson is pretty and nice enough, and William Miller/Patrick Fugit is adorable.  I want to own this beer, just like I own this movie.” – collective

“This beer makes me want to sit on a bus and sing Elton John’s Tiny Dancer with all my friends.” – Guinness Girl

“And…I’ve never heard of this beer before.  Hence…Almost famous.  heh.” – Oy Vey

Reviewed at: Ten Stone

Victory Hop Devil

Reviewed by:  Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Nationality: American

Tastes like: Interview with the Vampire

Comments: 

“Caswell-Massey!  Tastes like PERFUME!  Really really really flowery, which is interesting because it’s devilish.  My mouth was washed out with soap…ONCE…as a kid, and this is what it tasted like.  FOUL. ” – Oy Vey

“Not bad.  Not bad.  Not bad…EW!!!” – Guinness Girl

“That is some flowery shit.” – Oy Vey

“It’s weird…on the front half of the tongue, it’s really tasty – but then it hits the BACK and DEAR GOD…” – Guinness Girl

Decision: This is the perfect Interview with the Vampire beer – it’s perfumey and oddly pretty, but then it bites ya in the neck.  Smells nice, but SO isn’t.

LOTS of “yuck”s.

“It’s like drinking Tide laundry detergent.” – Oy Vey

Consensus: UNDRINKABLE

Reviewed at: Ten Stone