Big City Yardy

Big City Yardy

*picture not available*

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl & Oy Vey

Nationality: Jamaican

Tastes like: Cool Runnings

Comments:

“Same as Coopers, but skunky.” – Oy Vey

“This one’s not Jamaican me crazy. And no, I didn’t steal that from Poppy Cedes, I stole it from a stupid sorority party in college.” – GG

“Wow, we’re not on our game.” – Oy Vey

“That Jamaican bobsled movie!! Plain, dumb, and bad. Except we haven’t actually seen the movie…we’re just guessing here.” – collective

Long discussion on lameness, tiredness, etc. This was our first drink of the night and both reviewers were in semi-crappy moods.

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

He’Brew 9 Jewbelation

He’Brew 9

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Nationality: American (California)

Tidbits from the bottle: “Celebrating 9 years of delicious beer and delicious schtick.” “The Chosen Beer.” More long rambley crap on the bottle. I remember hearing something about Abraham who circumcised himself and about sex being one of the 9 reasons for reincarnation and the other 8 are unimportant. Rodney Dangerfield? Did I really hear about Rodney Dangerfield? (Commentary by Guinness Girl)

Tastes Like: Coneheads or Napolean Dynamite

Comments:

“Neither of us are big fans. This beer kinda sucks. (It was FINE with Mexican food, but…) The people who drink this are probably only drinking it because they are uber-Jews – too into their Jewishness to notice that it isn’t good and is just kinda lame – the Larry Rovners a la Crossing California. Kinda lame, schticky, forgettable. It’s going to be damn hard to choose a movie, because we’ve already forgotten it.” – Collective*

“Napolean Dynamite?” – Guinness Girl

“Gimmicky.” – Adrock (guest reviewer)

“It’s like one of those Saturday Night Live-based movies that’s only good for about 20 minutes in a sketch, but when you draw it out into 22-ounces, it sucks.” – Oy Vey

“Coneheads!!!” – collective

Reviewed at: Home

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*Note – we are not anti-Semetic. In fact, Oy Vey is Jewish herself and Guinness Girl is a sometimes wannabe Jew. If you read Crossing California and knew who Larry Rovner was, you’d understand our point.

Gilde Pilsener

Gilde Pilsener

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Nationality: German

Tastes like: Ernest Goes to Africa

Comments:

“It smells like skunk!” – Oy Vey

“Great. I’m about to drink something that smells like skunk.” – Guinness Girl

“Tastes bland…but the smell! Oh, GOD, the smell!” – Oy Vey

[drinking with nose plugged] “I bet this is what O’Doul’s tastes like. Thank God we don’t know that first-hand.” – GG

“Hideous!” – Oy Vey

“This beer makes me rethink my desire to be a brew reviewer. I’m kidding, of course. And of course I’ll drink it all down, just because I paid $4.75 for it.” – GG

“It’s not as bad as The World’s Best Beer. But it smells worse than The World’s Best Beer.” – Oy Vey

[The Brew Reviewers then decide to add lime to it.]

“A little like drinking fizzy hairspray!” – GG

“Better with the lime. The lime masks the smell . Kinda like Corona quality with lime.” – Oy Vey

Reviewed at: Society Hill Hotel