Left Hand Sawtooth

Left Hand Sawtooth

 

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl & Oy Vey

Nationality: American (Colorado)

Tastes like: Almost Famous

Comments:

“Now that’s a GOOD BEER.  Supersmooth.  Good flavor.  NO bitterness.  Clean finish.” – Oy Vey

“That’s some good stuff!  That really is some good stuff!” – Oy Vey

“Almost Famous!!!” – Guinness Girl

“Kate Hudson is pretty and nice enough, and William Miller/Patrick Fugit is adorable.  I want to own this beer, just like I own this movie.” – collective

“This beer makes me want to sit on a bus and sing Elton John’s Tiny Dancer with all my friends.” – Guinness Girl

“And…I’ve never heard of this beer before.  Hence…Almost famous.  heh.” – Oy Vey

Reviewed at: Ten Stone

Victory Hop Devil

Victory Hop Devil

Reviewed by:  Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Nationality: American

Tastes like: Interview with the Vampire

Comments: 

“Caswell-Massey!  Tastes like PERFUME!  Really really really flowery, which is interesting because it’s devilish.  My mouth was washed out with soap…ONCE…as a kid, and this is what it tasted like.  FOUL. ” – Oy Vey

“Not bad.  Not bad.  Not bad…EW!!!” – Guinness Girl

“That is some flowery shit.” – Oy Vey

“It’s weird…on the front half of the tongue, it’s really tasty – but then it hits the BACK and DEAR GOD…” – Guinness Girl

Decision: This is the perfect Interview with the Vampire beer – it’s perfumey and oddly pretty, but then it bites ya in the neck.  Smells nice, but SO isn’t.

LOTS of “yuck”s.

“It’s like drinking Tide laundry detergent.” – Oy Vey

Consensus: UNDRINKABLE

Reviewed at: Ten Stone

Hobgoblin

Hobgoblin

 

Reviewed by: Oy Vey & Guinness Girl

Nationality: English

Tastes like: any of the Lord of the Rings movies.  And yes.  We know we’re going to piss some people off with this one.

Comments: 

[before tasting]

“Well, the obvious choice here is Harry Potter.” – Guinness Girl

“THIS is more like it!  Bubbly!” – Oy Vey

“Wow, that beer looks like a latte.” – Pico de Gallo waitress

[after tasting]

“Hmm.  Smells nice…but the taste is not so nice.  Kinda bitterish.” – GG

“Dark, but not SCARY.  A little bitter at the end.  Not fantastic.” – OV

“Should we just call it a day and call it the Harry Potter beer?” – OV

[defensively] “But I LOVE Harry Potter!” – GG

“I know, I love Harry, too.  We need a creepy fantasy creature…like the creepy guy on Lord of the Rings who whispers ‘My Precious’ a lot.”

Insert long discussion.  What is that character’s name?  (IMDB just told me it was Gollum].  Randomly, Oy Vey knows the actor’s name is Andy Circus…except spelled Serkis.  This then led to an abundance of hobbit stories, including Guinness Girl’s hatred of Sean Astin’s role in 24 these days, Sean Astin crush stories, The Goonies, Oy Vey’s participation in a Lord of the Rings marathon, and many other topics. 

The bottom line?  This isn’t BAD…but it’s awfully shtick-y to drink.

Oh, and there was a comment about it being “magic” beer.

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

Xingu Black Beer

Nationality: Brazilian

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes like: Amazing Race: Family Edition*

Pre-taste discussion:

“Looks very Survivor. It could be the name of a team on Survivor.” – GG

“Rob and Ambah!” – OV

“We’re not all people!” – GG

[OV laughs out loud for some reason.]

“You’ve had a rough week!” – GG

[Foam is sticking to the sides of the glass. Discussion about Fear Factor. GG has brilliant idea to say 'Xingu!' instead of 'Cheers!']

“Weird taste. I’m not minding this beer. Definitely not Survivorish because I wouldn’t like a beer like that. Out of Africa? He gives her the syph…? Hmm…beautiful movie but you have to like Meryl Streep’s nose.” – GG

“I like her nose, but I can see how some people might have a problem with it. Dingo got my baby! It’s the dingo got my baby movie!!!” – OV

“I always thought that a dingo was a pouchless kangaroo…” – GG

“It’s a wild dog.” – OV

“No bitter aftertaste. Hmmm…dingo got her baby movie is pretty bitter.” – GG

“Cheers to Rosie!” – Collective

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

*Editorial decision

Sam Smith Organically Produced Ale

Nationality: English

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes like: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

“What’s it called? It’s citrusy. It’s orangey.” – GG
[Long discussion of other citrusy beer.]

“I don’t like this beer.” – OV

“I don’t mind it. I could drink it on a really hot day. I wouldn’t kick it out my fridge.” – GG

[Noticeable shiver from Oy Vey]

“It does have a hint of Lysol.” – GG

“I do not like this beer.” [Noticeable shiver] – OV

Oy Vey does not like this beer, yet Guinnes Girl doesn’t mind it. It’s a Kevin Costner movie.

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

Coopers Pale Ale

Nationality: Australian

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes Like: Some Kind of Wonderful

“Corona. It’s plain. A plain beer, but I do hold a special place in my heart for this because this is what Tali White was drinking at the Lucksmiths show. Tali White = the hottest lead singer. Hotness.” – OV

“Prince of Hotness?” – GG

“No, just hotness. I swear there was a puddle of drool collecting at my feet watching him. His bottle got knocked over by a cord and I picked it up and set it right. I didn’t want to get electrocuted by my own drool.” – OV

“Flavored seltzer, like McSorley’s. I don’t think we’re light beer drinkers.” – GG

“I think I’m thinking of Heineken – the American kind, but I haven’t had one in like forever.” – OV

[Long diatribe about some movie in South Africa] “Oh wait, I was looking for something Australian, but similar I guess – they’ve both got cool accents.” – GG

[Discussion of movie that takes place in a boarding school.]

“These pansy beers are so much harder to figure out.” – OV

“Enh…gotta be something that’s forgettable yet still holds a special place in our hearts. Eric Stolz.” – Collective

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

Big City Yardy

Big City Yardy

*picture not available*

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl & Oy Vey

Nationality: Jamaican

Tastes like: Cool Runnings

Comments:

“Same as Coopers, but skunky.” – Oy Vey

“This one’s not Jamaican me crazy. And no, I didn’t steal that from Poppy Cedes, I stole it from a stupid sorority party in college.” – GG

“Wow, we’re not on our game.” – Oy Vey

“That Jamaican bobsled movie!! Plain, dumb, and bad. Except we haven’t actually seen the movie…we’re just guessing here.” – collective

Long discussion on lameness, tiredness, etc. This was our first drink of the night and both reviewers were in semi-crappy moods.

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

Young’s Luxury Double Chocolate Stout

Nationality: From England’s Oldest Brewery

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Tastes like: Brown Bunny
“Tastes like unsweetened chocolate.” – OV

[Discussion about Johnny Depp]

“Cute!” – OV
“Creepy!” GG

[Discussion about Orlando Bloom]

“Cuter as Legolas.” – OV
“Creepy as Legolas.” – GG

“Tastes like beer plus cocoa powder. Wretched.” – OV

“Ewww. You’re the baker, you know. Totally smells like Chocolate [taste]. Ewww…Yeah. I dont know if I’d call this Absolute Swill. Man. What an odd combination of taste. I don’t want to waste my sobriety on this.”

“Too wannabe artsy. Doesn’t pull it off. Shall we go suck on the devil’s teat?”*

“This beer invokes anger.” GG
“Then it must be Absolute Swill.” OV

*Some such stout called Devil’s Milk was suggested to us by the lovely lass at Pico de Gallo.

Reviewed at: Pico de Gallo

McSorley’s

McSorley’s Irish Ale

Reviewed by: Oy Vey and Guinness Girl

Nationality: American (Wisconsin)

Tastes like: Bambi Part 2. Granted, we’ve never seen it…but it’s how we imagine it being.

Comments:

“Easy to drink.” – Oy Vey

“Tastes like seltzer! Like Clearly Canadian!” – Guinness Girl

“Bubbly – overly sweet.” – Oy Vey

“Got nothing going for it.” – Guinness Girl

“I like this less than I like drinking nothing.” – Guinness Girl

“Light, sweet, and inoffensive.” – Oy Vey

Reviewed at: Home

He’Brew 9 Jewbelation

He’Brew 9

Reviewed by: Guinness Girl and Oy Vey

Nationality: American (California)

Tidbits from the bottle: “Celebrating 9 years of delicious beer and delicious schtick.” “The Chosen Beer.” More long rambley crap on the bottle. I remember hearing something about Abraham who circumcised himself and about sex being one of the 9 reasons for reincarnation and the other 8 are unimportant. Rodney Dangerfield? Did I really hear about Rodney Dangerfield? (Commentary by Guinness Girl)

Tastes Like: Coneheads or Napolean Dynamite

Comments:

“Neither of us are big fans. This beer kinda sucks. (It was FINE with Mexican food, but…) The people who drink this are probably only drinking it because they are uber-Jews – too into their Jewishness to notice that it isn’t good and is just kinda lame – the Larry Rovners a la Crossing California. Kinda lame, schticky, forgettable. It’s going to be damn hard to choose a movie, because we’ve already forgotten it.” – Collective*

“Napolean Dynamite?” – Guinness Girl

“Gimmicky.” – Adrock (guest reviewer)

“It’s like one of those Saturday Night Live-based movies that’s only good for about 20 minutes in a sketch, but when you draw it out into 22-ounces, it sucks.” – Oy Vey

“Coneheads!!!” – collective

Reviewed at: Home

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*Note – we are not anti-Semetic. In fact, Oy Vey is Jewish herself and Guinness Girl is a sometimes wannabe Jew. If you read Crossing California and knew who Larry Rovner was, you’d understand our point.